Photo by Megan Watson on Unsplash

Be the Grateful Person You Want to See in Others

November 26, 2024

Every November I have this sense of dread due to tragic events that occurred more often in this month than any other. These events include bad diagnoses, deaths, and disappointing election results.

Whether Donald Trump’s recent victory was a diagnosis, symptom or cure of where we are as a country will obviously depend on your perspective. Though mine is wrapped up in the struggle between the first two, I am choosing to keep an open mind to his presidency and hopefully be pleasantly surprised. I’m doing this not only so I can sleep better, but also so I can remain an active and engaged participant in this experiment we call democracy.

Regardless of political events and my sometimes-overwhelming fear for what may come to pass, I am trying to shift my focus from generally pessimistic to a bit more positive. This does not mean I’m forcing myself into a Pollyannish point of view, only that I choose to see what is possible rather than not.

It includes striving to be the grateful person I want to see in others. I’ll remain compassionate, courteous and kind to others no matter who they are and how they vote. Little things can make a difference and therefore I’ll continue using turn signals because it’s the right thing to do, and it is what I want other drivers to do as well.

For me to be grateful means I will:

  • Recognize that despite reading a reputable daily newspaper now amounts to doom scrolling, the world is a safer and more secure place than any time in history.
  • Accept that despite our differences as citizens in this country, I still believe Americans have more in common than what divides us.
  • Remain off social media where the abundance of outrage and salacious content drive profit margins at the expense of civility.  
  • Continually adjust my mentality from one of scarcity to one of abundance and recognize the good fortune I have in family, friends and community.
  • Shift my point of view so that the glass some see as half empty will appear half full if I am able to simply raise the glass a little higher.
  • See that at the edge of every dark cloud—if I can look closely enough—will find that there is in fact a silver lining.
  • Acknowledge that in every interaction there is an opportunity for me to learn something and see the humanity in another person, which can serve as resistance to giving in to apathy or intolerance.
  • More frequently express my gratitude in words and deeds to others as it will indeed make them and me happier.
  • Recognize that my ability to survive and thrive is not so much dependent on what happens to me as it is in how I react to it. I will not be a passive victim but will instead choose to actively make decisions based on best possible outcomes and accept both the rewards and consequences of those choices.

Expressing gratitude ultimately leads to lower stress, anxiety and depression. Research in positive psychology found that expressing gratitude is also strongly and consistently correlated with greater happiness.

No matter how dire this time may appear, I will take heart this Thanksgiving that there is indeed much more to be thankful for and I will express my gratitude for what I have rather than bemoaning what I don’t or am fearful of.

Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

Civility at Work & Beyond

December 6, 2023

The workplace continues to evolve as hybrid models enable working from home while maintaining optimal productivity. Yet there is definitely a cost to remote communication and collaboration—no matter how effective are the tools we can use.

This cost to communication and collaboration may be due to an overall lower level of trust or respect. It could also be because there is now an alarming lack of civility throughout our lives.

Look no further than our representatives in congress to see how dysfunctional our so-called leaders have become. Cable news programs are less about conveying news and information so viewers can draw their own conclusions than partisan battles that are all about dramatic one-upmanship to keep viewers tuned in. Social media is rampant with vitriol that clearly fails to deliver Mark Zuckerberg’s mission to “give people the capacity to form communities and bring the globe closer together.”

We are actually moving further apart because we are talking over each other, failing to fully listen, seeking only confirming data that supports our perspective, and generally choosing to stay within the confines of our own tribes.

Civility is the deliberate practice of treating others with courtesy and politeness, yet many people are choosing not to do so. A Harvard Business Review study found that 98% of employees have experienced incivility at work. Half of the participants reported that they were treaded badly at least once a week.

This lack of civility can show up in the workplace in various forms:

  • Passive-aggressive communication
  • Failing to assume positive intent with email messages
  • Not giving others the benefit of the doubt
  • Keeping the camera off in a Teams meeting
  • Miserable performance feedback meetings

These things can all contribute to a lack of engagement, poor performance, lower productivity, and greater turnover.

Our behavior in the workplace may be a reflection in how we behave in our personal lives, and I suggest this needs to change. Showing general kindness and compassion to others—regardless of whether we know them—can make both you and others feel better.

When I reflect on random acts of kindness and compassion in my own life, there were so many times where I received a helping hand, generosity, and comfort. But two acts I performed continue to stick with me as I felt so much joy in initiating these actions:

  • Many years ago, while visiting a sick loved one in the hospital, I was unable to leave the parking garage as the woman in front of me didn’t have cash to pay for her parking. I gave her $5 and, although she asked for my address with the promise of paying me back, I held no assurances. I simply felt good about my ability to help someone, who very likely was also visiting a sick loved one. A thoughtful card with the money arrived a few days later.
  • While walking across a bridge near my home, I witnessed a young woman lift a leg across the railing with the intent to jump off. I quickly crossed the street, put my hand on her shoulder and engaged her in a conversation to prevent her from jumping. Several other people assisted in helping this troubled woman, and before long the police arrived who I’d like to believe provided greater assistance. It was a powerful moment that lifted my spirits on how I as well as several other strangers all engaged to be helpful.

In the workplace, communication and collaboration can improve via greater kindness and compassion by practicing giving others the benefit of the doubt, assuming positive intent, listening with our full attention, and delivering critical feedback while demonstrating care.

Make it a point to behave with kindness and compassion throughout your life. Practice and encourage more of this in your workplace. Both you and others will feel better and you will help make your workplace and our world a more civil and peaceful place.  

Photo by Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash

Civility in the Workplace

December 7, 2021

Blame it on social media, politicians, cable news or our collective desire for confirmation bias rather than truth and understanding, but incivility seems rampant in our lives.

Civility is about getting along with other people and treating others the way you would want to be treated. It’s about respecting and finding common ground with others despite our differences. So obvious and yet all too rare.

If you’re like me and think incivility and rudeness are on the rise, you would be correct. In fact, in a 2019 poll run by Weber Shandwick and KRC Research, 93 percent of people across America stated that uncivil behavior was increasing, and 68 percent said this was a major problem. That was before the pandemic and the January 6 insurrection, so things have likely worsened.

The one bright spot is that this has not necessarily been true in the workplace. In fact, over the past decade, people reported fewer rude incidents in the workplace—from 43 percent in 2011 to just 29 percent in 2019. Perhaps we should look forward to going back to the office if only to find some civility in our lives.

Another finding is that Americans continue to identify their place of work as a civility safe zone, with 89% of those who work with others describing their place of employment as very or somewhat civil.

Could it be that it’s too risky to be rude at work as it may cause us to lose opportunities for promotion or even cause for dismissal? Or is it due to a positive shift in attitudes signaling a move from divisive silo mentality to one of cooperation and collaboration?

Regardless, if we’re more likely to practice courteous behavior while at work, maybe returning to the office would be good not only for the organization, but beneficial to our society as well.

From the same research poll, when Americans were asked what actions could be taken to improve civility in our society, 55% said parents should be teaching civility to their children, followed by many workplace actions, including:

  • Warning or taking disciplinary action against people who are uncivil in the workplace (42%)
  • Civility training in the workplace (37%)
  • Employers’ training people how to intervene when others are being treated uncivilly (35%)
  • Employers encouraging employees to report incivility at work (35%)
  • Firing people who are uncivil in the workplace (32%)
  • Employers ensuring they hire civil people (21%)
  • Employers should discourage employees from discussing controversial subjects that could turn uncivil (21%)
  • A coalition of companies that promotes civility in society (18%)

Clearly, the workplace is not only viewed as a safe zone for civility, but also perhaps a template for how to encourage more of it throughout society.

While politicians, social media companies, cable news networks all have a role to play in making our society more civil again, business leaders can encourage civility in the workplace. This will make their workplaces safer, more collegial, collaborative and productive. And that’s good for the company’s bottom line and ultimately good for our society as a whole.