Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

Civility at Work & Beyond

December 6, 2023

The workplace continues to evolve as hybrid models enable working from home while maintaining optimal productivity. Yet there is definitely a cost to remote communication and collaboration—no matter how effective are the tools we can use.

This cost to communication and collaboration may be due to an overall lower level of trust or respect. It could also be because there is now an alarming lack of civility throughout our lives.

Look no further than our representatives in congress to see how dysfunctional our so-called leaders have become. Cable news programs are less about conveying news and information so viewers can draw their own conclusions than partisan battles that are all about dramatic one-upmanship to keep viewers tuned in. Social media is rampant with vitriol that clearly fails to deliver Mark Zuckerberg’s mission to “give people the capacity to form communities and bring the globe closer together.”

We are actually moving further apart because we are talking over each other, failing to fully listen, seeking only confirming data that supports our perspective, and generally choosing to stay within the confines of our own tribes.

Civility is the deliberate practice of treating others with courtesy and politeness, yet many people are choosing not to do so. A Harvard Business Review study found that 98% of employees have experienced incivility at work. Half of the participants reported that they were treaded badly at least once a week.

This lack of civility can show up in the workplace in various forms:

  • Passive-aggressive communication
  • Failing to assume positive intent with email messages
  • Not giving others the benefit of the doubt
  • Keeping the camera off in a Teams meeting
  • Miserable performance feedback meetings

These things can all contribute to a lack of engagement, poor performance, lower productivity, and greater turnover.

Our behavior in the workplace may be a reflection in how we behave in our personal lives, and I suggest this needs to change. Showing general kindness and compassion to others—regardless of whether we know them—can make both you and others feel better.

When I reflect on random acts of kindness and compassion in my own life, there were so many times where I received a helping hand, generosity, and comfort. But two acts I performed continue to stick with me as I felt so much joy in initiating these actions:

  • Many years ago, while visiting a sick loved one in the hospital, I was unable to leave the parking garage as the woman in front of me didn’t have cash to pay for her parking. I gave her $5 and, although she asked for my address with the promise of paying me back, I held no assurances. I simply felt good about my ability to help someone, who very likely was also visiting a sick loved one. A thoughtful card with the money arrived a few days later.
  • While walking across a bridge near my home, I witnessed a young woman lift a leg across the railing with the intent to jump off. I quickly crossed the street, put my hand on her shoulder and engaged her in a conversation to prevent her from jumping. Several other people assisted in helping this troubled woman, and before long the police arrived who I’d like to believe provided greater assistance. It was a powerful moment that lifted my spirits on how I as well as several other strangers all engaged to be helpful.

In the workplace, communication and collaboration can improve via greater kindness and compassion by practicing giving others the benefit of the doubt, assuming positive intent, listening with our full attention, and delivering critical feedback while demonstrating care.

Make it a point to behave with kindness and compassion throughout your life. Practice and encourage more of this in your workplace. Both you and others will feel better and you will help make your workplace and our world a more civil and peaceful place.  

Courage in a Time of Uncertainty

December 30, 2016

In the face of these uncertain times, it is necessary for each of us to be brave. Though it is easier to simply follow along and protect what we currently have, we also need the courage to stand up for what is right and risk being vulnerable.

So many of us have been duped into believing social media enables us to actively write our individual history instead of actually living and sharing in a collective history. As much as we think we are freely choosing what to engage in, we are often being led by others with a financial or power incentive to make us follow along.

Politicians appeal to our worst fears and increasing insecurity in order to move their particular agenda forward. Hope and dreams are out; fear and uncertainty are in. Democracy has become more about getting a larger share for oneself rather than growing the collective pie.

This way of thinking leads to blaming another demographic for our own misfortune as it is easier than taking responsibility and doing something about it. Our nation of immigrants has somehow lost sight that this is our strength, and that regardless of where you were born, your color or creed, you have an equal opportunity to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Perhaps this is due to thinking we should all have equal opportunity rather than equitable opportunity. If this were about equity, then those who need more assistance would get more, and we would all see this as fair. Of course, this would require accepting that we are all, as American citizens (regardless of our heritage), equal in deserving opportunities.

In what is rapidly now being referred to as a post-truth world, many knowingly accept fake news from anyone and anywhere because they believe respected journalistic institutions are also fake. Somehow all news is considered equal because all internet voices are equal. Though verified factual information stands in stark contrast to ignorant opinions—because everyone has a megaphone—these are treated equally. Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one, and the internet means we all own one.

Without a Walter Cronkite, who people once took comfort in telling us the truth, we can now choose any individual to tell us the personal truth we want to hear. Many people are no longer concerned with what is really true, but rather what is true for their current point of view. Confirmation bias runs rampant as they don’t want to debate the issues, but only reinforce their narrow perspective of what is currently true for them.

In the face of this, courageous leadership is absolutely required and we shouldn’t be looking for others to demonstrate it. We should seek this in ourselves.

In the same way the internet has leveled the playing field for our voices, we can all become leaders in our own communities by standing up to injustice in the real world. When we witness intolerance, racism or random acts of violence, we should immediately stand up against it.

This means standing up for individuals who are marginalized whether in the workplace, at school, or simply standing in line at a grocery store. When we witness an ignorant xenophobe oppressing others, it is up to each of us to stand up courageously and denounce it. We can no longer accept that staying on the fringe is okay just because our own lives are currently safe and comfortable. “The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people, but the silence over that by the good people,” said Martin Luther King, Jr.

Courageous leadership is about getting outside of your comfort zone and risking to be vulnerable by defending what you stand for. Somebody once said life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. I believe we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Though hatred and mistrust are rampant in our society, we need to denounce hateful actions and encourage bridge-making. We need the patience and compassion to first understand others before seeking to be understood by them. We need to recognize our own personal hypocrisy before we attack others. To move forward in restoring trust and compassion, each of us must take a long hard look inside ourselves before blaming others.

Leading with courage means fully acknowledging oneself—including our bias, limited perspective, and overall ignorance—before seeking to influence others. Rather than build walls to divide ourselves and other like-minded people from those who are different, we should bravely seek to find common ground and better understanding.

Lead with tolerance and compassion. Assume that everyone is doing the best they can for themselves and for their families. And be the leader of the change that you want to see in yourself and others.